I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
