i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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