i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tequila makes me forget i have legs
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
