u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I will be naked everywhere
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
