Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
