a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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