There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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