Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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