I am in a vortex of obligation.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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