I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
