I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
