But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
