Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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