Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
