Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
