ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
3pm strippers are depressing
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize