Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
