Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think my mom watched the whole time
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You pole danced in your parka.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
