Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
