piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
