I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
