last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
