My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
