If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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