I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The feeling are messing with the penis
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
