apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
