i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize