I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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