We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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