Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
