if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
