What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
