listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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