omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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