Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
