im drinking this country out of the recession.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize