Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
