I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
