I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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