Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
