Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
