I have demons in me.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
