Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
