She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize