i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
pray to the hookup gods
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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