We're facebook friends in real life
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
