bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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