he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
