I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
