I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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