Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
