i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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