you traded sex for a burrito?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
