I just made out with a guy for $7.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize