I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize