Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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