I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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