real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
