That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
